Most people today define intimacy to be sex. That is a very wrong assumption about an important if not the most important part of your relationship or marriage! Do not be deceived, being intimate is not all about sex.
Intimacy a long-term pattern of closeness and warmth. It denotes mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. For example lying in your partner’s arms, laughing and enjoying each other’s company or sharing your fears with him or her, are important building blocks of an intimate relationship. This important phenomenon becomes sex only with a couple who are driven by lust. If what you share is love, the last thing you need to enjoy each other is sex and I mean that quite literally.
Here is the key, whatever we cultivate now remains with us into the future.
The reason why many married people are complaining about their marriage and are not enjoying their marriages is because to them intimacy is all about sex so after having sex, everything else stops and this can be very boring. There can and should be a sort of friendship that binds you two together to the extent of making you inseparable.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to say sex doesn’t play a role but the role of sex must not be overrated. Intimacy is not equal to sex and sex is not equal to intimacy. The biggest mistake couples make is to make sex the center of their relationship with a misunderstanding of what true intimacy is.
Ask yourself this question which I normally ask the people I counsel:
If sex was intimacy, why do men and women jump from one partner to another even though they have partners who are willing to give them just that—sex?
Your answer should tell you that sex doesn’t bring about intimacy. The strong feelings of wanting to have sex with someone is lust and not real intimate affection for that person.
Sex can be likened to salt. It is a necessity of life. Salt has been used since time immemorial for seasoning and as a preservative (even a disinfectant in some civilizations). Salt undoubtedly is a vital element to the cooking and food preparation but have you noticed that it is needed after more than two ingredients have been put together to add flavor to and taste to the food?
Now, the entire recipe can be likened to intimacy and the salt of intimacy is sex.
Nobody should take salt without it being added to a mix of ingredients. It doesn’t make a good meal on its own and more so it is not a wise thing to do. Eating salt alone doesn’t bring out its true purpose; so is having sex without developing intimacy first—it doesn’t bring about the true purpose of sex.
Sex is the end taste or feel of intimacy. It should come last on the recipe to strengthen the relationship. This way, it becomes what it truly is—a flavoring agent.
Cook your relationship with the whole mix of ingredients before adding salt (sex) and you will enjoy your relationship and your sexual life which by now, with your over-emphasis on sex, is anything but exciting.
By: Chosen H. Mumuni