— and ahem, owned — your sexuality, it’s about time you figured it out.
While it takes two to do the sideways tango, a man isn’t the key to your sexual freedom and clarity, he’s just a hunky, delicious piece of it. Regardless if you’re single, taken, or otherwise … here are 30 things every sexy, vivacious, amazing woman (that’s you!) should know about sexbefore she turns 30:
1. You can’t complain if you don’t ask for it.
Bless their hearts, as damndest as they try, men can’t read your mind. When they’re crazy about you, they may try but if the pushin’ or strokin’ isn’t getting you where you need to be, tell him. Show him. Be patient.
2. If you’re faking it, it’s not going to get better.
We’ve all faked having an orgasm before and there’s absolutely no shame in it. But if you’re faking more than you’re experiencing, it’s hard to expect your libido to thank you.
3. If you want to receive, you have to be a giver…
Selfish isn’t sexy, sweets.
4. …but don’t settle for someone who refuses to put you first.
Repeat after me: the right man will never put his own pleasure before yours. In fact, what gets him hot is the fact that you already are.
5. It can actually be easier to swallow.
And a hell of a lot less messy.
6. Own your noise.
You may be a screamer, a squealer, a moaner or a chirper — whatever you are, be proud. Expressing how you feel — in and out of the bedroom — is important.
7. It’s never great the first time…
So what if the build-up was more of a turn-on than the actual deed? Great sex takes practice — what are you waiting for? Start taking your clothes off now…
8. …but if he isn’t willing to put in some work, he’s not worth it.
The jackhammer never did anything for anyone except make us feel like blow-up dolls. Don’t settle for that; you’re better than it.
9. Never date a man who doesn’t ask before going back there.
The first and foremost rule of any type of intercourse is consent between both parties involved. And if he’s trying to make his way through the backdoor, he better ask you three times. At least.
10. Masturbation isn’t just for men…
In fact, studies have shown that women who masturbate regularly have better and fuller orgasms. You don’t have to buy a vibrator, just take a venture with your hands.
11. …and it isn’t something you have to only do when you’re alone.
There’s nothing quite as sexy as telling a man that he can’t touch you while you proceed to touch yourself.
12. You should know your ground rules for sex, but be open to trying new things.
We all have things we do and don’t do, and we usually learn through experience. It’s fine to say that you’re not willing to do XYZ … but if Z seems nice in a month or a year, don’t be afraid to change the rules.
13. Clean-up is for two people.
Throwing a towel in your general direction post-ejaculation is about as romantic as it sounds. You did it together; you clean up afterwards together.
14. You don’t always have to say ‘yes’…
If you’re not feeling it every single evening — amidst the bajillion other things you’d rather do — don’t let anyone pressure you into it. You’re not a prude because you need to catch up on sleep.
15. … but always saying ‘no’ is a buzzkill for every relationship.
Rejection isn’t sexy and well, to build intimacy, you need to be intimate. Even if it’s a quickie as soon as the alarm goes off.
16. Your body is awesome.
Curvy, big boobs, small ones, thin, athletic, voluptuous, J-Lo booty or no booty at all — what you got is workin’ for YOU. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
17. Men who think foreplay is optional are lame.
18. He doesn’t always have to initiate.
Try it, you might like it. And he might really like it.
19. If you’re sleeping together without a condom, it’s time for the talk.
Ever wonder when it’s time to have the discussion of where the relationship is going? It’s when he starts complaining that he ‘can’t get it up with a condom.’
20. Thou shalt not judge others’ sex lives.
Yes, your friend seems like she’s having a lot more sex than you are. She might be. Or she might be faking it (see #2).
21. If you’re not sure if you had an orgasm, you haven’t.
Sorry. But the good news? The majority of women can orgasm through some sort of sexual stimulation. Make it your goal to work toward a big finish before the big 3-0.
22. You can handle morning breath. So can he.
Especially if there’s spooning sex involved.
23. Own at least some lingerie.
And not just for him, but for you. Pick lingerie that you’re comfortable in, that makes you feel glamorous and that you can put on whenever want, with an audience or not.
24. Yep, it’s sticky. Deal with it.
A bit of a mess is part of the sexual contract. There’s no room for being squeamish. We’re all adults here.
25. Don’t discount the importance of kissing.
Don’t you remember those make-out sessions in high school? They can be even hotter when you’re aware of how all those stimulated senses mixed together can feel.
26. Or dirty talk.
You don’t have to get graphic or charge 99 cents a minute but if you like it, tell him. If he likes it, he’ll tell you. Then you’ll both get more of what you like.
27. In a long-term relationships, keep the details to your bedroom.
You might think that discussing ever dirty instance with your friends will make your sex life better but in fact, it can make it feel less intimate. It’s fine to be brief, but let those special moments stay between the two of you.
28. Friends don’t let friends stay in sexless relationships.
We’ve all needed an intervention at some point.
29. Men don’t care that you’re not perfect, but they do care that you’re a sexual being.
That roll in your stomach? Your thighs that aren’t perfect? That zit on your forehead? He’s not looking at any of it. He’s watching to see if you’re enjoying yourself.
30. Enjoy it.
Get out of your head, let go of your worries and let yourself have fun. Your 20s fly by – and your 30s might too – but good sex? It’s timeless.