If you do it right, discussing what you want in bed can lead to a more rewarding sex life and a stronger bond with your partner. Here are five steps to help you communicate what you’re looking for in your sexual relationship (without hurting his feelings):
1. Think BEFORE You Speak
Think carefully about what you’re asking for, and be sure to word it correctly. Your wording should demonstrate that you’re trying to better your sex life, not put down your partner. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
2. Remember That Timing Is EVERYTHING
Make sure you’re both in the right place (literally and figuratively) to discuss sex. Talking about a difficult topic will be easier if you’re both in a comfortable, laid-back mood. You should also try to avoid talking when there’s a possibility for distraction.
3. Don’t Forget About The Details
Be specific about what you want so you can best help your partner understand. If he feels lost by your request, he’ll probably be discouraged. And worse, if your partner feels that the request is too broad, he may see it as a dig at his sexual abilities. Saying something like, “I want something different because I need variety,” is big blow to his ego.
4. Always Use Positive Reinforcement
When your partner listens to and does what you asked for, you should use some sort of positive reinforcement. This will encourage him to do so again, which is ultimately what you are looking for.
5. Let Him Speak For Himself, Too
Let your partner share what he wants from you as well. Remember, sex is a two way street (or sometimes a three way street, but that’s another topic entirely). By allowing give-and-take, you’ll feel empowered and more sexually connected to one another.