After the release of my third article (after the sex…what next?) last week, which caused quite a stir, I had a number of women sending in their contributions, grievances and some even went as far as sharing their marital issues with me. But there was this particular story of an embittered married woman which touched my heart and I would like to share with you guys to see how best we can help our sister, Efe. I would plead with all my cherished readers, especially the married ones, to give their candid opinions on this issue (which happens to be my very first real life case).
“Dear NanaYaa, please advise me.” She wrote. “I wish I could rip out this page of my life story because it is killing me. It seems I have been sleeping with my enemy and I had no idea. Wolves do come clothed in sheepskin indeed. Hmm, I would only like to give my name as Efe. I have been neglected, maltreated and disrespected by own husband in my matrimonial home. I used to work with my husband in the same company before we got married 3 years ago; he was the perfect kind of gentleman I had always been praying to God for.
Though internal relationships/marriages were prohibited at our work place, we still managed to see each other behind closed doors. We went on regular lunch dates and grew very fond of each other. At work, we went on assignments and together, we brought in the highest number of contracts for the company; so our bosses always paired us up because they knew the ‘power couple’ together would do wonders for the firm. So in short, we were breaking the rules together and we simply did not care.
My love for my boyfriend, now my husband, grew stronger and stronger by the day and soon it became known that we had something special going on. Ezekiel always stood up for what we had. There was never a time he dared to hit or use vulgar words on me. ‘My boo’ was heaven sent and he made me the envy and the talk of the firm.
Truth is I never thought I’d be in love like this after going through series of heartbreaks with despicable men but now, I can boldly say they were no better than my husband. Back then, he understood me perfectly and did everything required of a loving future husband and soon, People started taking cues from our relationship to better theirs. Due to the strong rule against internal relationships in our firm, my husband chose to resign so I could at least keep my job. We were definitely moving at the speed of light into eternity and A few months after he resigned, we tied the knot in a simple but classy ceremony which changed my life and shot up my status among my peers. We were finally joined together in Holy matrimony and there, I knew nothing could ever separate us. My husband soon secured a job with a very reputable firm and that was where the nightmares began.
After 6 months of what seemed like a perfect marriage, my husband’s behavior changed drastically towards me. He was always finding excuses to be away from home during weekends, barely ate at home and Nana, what got me very devasted was that; he gradually stopped coming home to me, his wife, after the day’s work. He started sleeping outside our home and when I dared to complain, I would get the hottest argument of a life time which would end up driving him out of our home for more than a day.hmm, The communication between us died out slowly and I felt like I was living with a total stranger, I didn’t know who my husband was anymore. He always wore condoms whenever we made love and the only reason I got was that, he wasn’t ready to have kids.
There were times the condoms broke and he would drive me to a pharmacy to get some contraceptive pills… I mean how? I was a side chick in my own matrimonial home and he treated me no different than a slut. I smelt a rat in my marriage and I made it a point to trap that rat at all cost and get rid of it. Naya, the rat I discovered was too big for me to handle and whenever I thought of it, I died a thousand times. To cut the long story short, I found out that my husband of one year, was in a very serious relationship with a lady in his new firm and one night when I decided to confront him about it, he didn’t even deny it to save me the pain and to add salt to the injury, he made me aware in the most painful way that the lady was better than me and he now thought that our marriage was rushed. Eeiii! NanaYaa, I am in tears as I write to you. My only crime here was to love my husband whole heartedly and be a ‘proverbs 31’ woman in my home.
I understand that cheating is in every man’s DNA but at least, do it with a little decency and respect for me. I was so desperate to save my marriage that, I confronted the girl and pleaded with her with all humility to leave my man alone and that she was wrecking my marriage but it seems she had no plans on doing that anytime soon.
I have complained to my in-laws, my parents, my pastor and even some of his closest friends to speak sense into my husband’s thick skull but all to no avail. The lady in question had no respect for me and it was my husband’s fault. The Bible has made it clear that, you can only divorce you partner on the basis of infidelity but I can’t possibly let go off my man; God hates adultery Hebrews 13:4.
He partly lives with the lady in an apartment he rented for her and comes home every now and then. I have tolerated this for almost 2 and half years and now I have lost all the energy I need to keep me going.
He practically flaunts his girlfriend in my face and has made a mockery of our union. I am truly embittered and disgusted by his deeds.
NanaYaa, my life has become a living hell and I no longer feel comfortable at work because his cheating attitude is no longer news to his old colleagues in my firm. What do I do? Do I leave my marriage or keep up with his behavior with hopes that he would change someday? NanaYaa please help me out before depression kills me or I’ll end up shooting them both.”
Hmm! Sad right? Friends… in your honest opinion, what do you think our dear sister Efe should do? I was deeply saddened after reading this story from my mail but I wouldn’t say much on this here now but if there are pastors, counselors and married folks reading this, please help save our sister. I hate being ‘one sided’ but it seems women are suffering more in our societies than men… Hmm, let me not lose my cool. This is a real life nightmare!
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