If you’ve been single and dating for a while, you’ll recognise that feeling where you want to run around like Will Ferrell screaming ‘ARE WE ALL IN CRAZY TOWN OVER HERE?!’ because you can’t get a handle on the mixed messaging you’re getting from the Mr Mens around you.
I think these behaviours are all a complicated mix of game-playing, ignorance and lack of valuable life experience.
Also, we shouldn’t ignore the fact that people are often just weird and don’t have any manners. Luckily, you really don’t have to stress your head about their nonsensical ways, you can just move along the moment you see the red flags.
Unfortunately, many women confuse these red flags for ‘normal man behaviours’ and think that within this context they’re acceptable. Worse, because they’re normal and acceptable, that it’s something that should be adapted to. Not so.
Use this as a poophead-spotter to save you valuable time and energy.
The hit and run.
You meet, he asks you out, says you’re amazing, smses like a man possessed with the spirit of a digital Don Juan, says he’s so into you, says you’re the best thing since PS2, you have a great time, you laugh and laugh … you never hear from him again. What? I remember a date where Mr Man was all over me, talking spiritual connections, soul mating, and that he wanted to feed me love and peyote.
A week later, after dropping off the radar, he cancelled a dinner date because of a ‘rash’ he’d suddenly developed. I never heard from him again. I found out later that the rash was a friend of mine he’d hooked up with.
The call and cancel.
Plans. They’re like the plague. This man doesn’t touch them and if he does, he seems to forget them almost immediately.
At one stage, I got so used to guys cancelling a date (IF they could even bring themselves to make a date in advance), I started making backup plans expecting them to cancel five minutes before we were supposed to meet.
No. Unless someone has died or they’re in hospital, one cancelled date is as far as it goes.
Bare minimum is best.
It appears that many men especially believe that, ideally, they should do nothing to attract or keep a mate. They don’t have to express any form of interest in you after the initial contact.
The mere fact that they exist in your life is ample proof of their attention. If any effort is made it’s because you called, suggested something or got into your car and drove to their house.
I’ve had men (plural) thinking a suitable ‘date’ is me keeping them company while they’re stoned or drunk on the couch watching TV. Grown men, actual date ideas.
Hot and cold.
I have blaring sirens going off in my head when a guy comes on too strong in the beginning. When you reciprocate, you can lay a bet that his interest will dissipate. Then, when you back off, he’s suddenly all over you like white on rice, answering your messages in a blink of an eye.
When you’ve decided to give him a chance, your messages are suddenly invisible again. Yawn. This is just boring.
All-for-nothing man.
This is the guy who will tell you off the bat he’s not looking for a relationship, but he wants the girlfriend experience.
He wants you to sex him, listen to his stories and work through his issues, go for dinner dates and to the movies; he expects monogamy and massages – just don’t be going your crazy way with that ‘we are a couple’ yadda yadda. At some point he’ll probably tell you the pressure (of you wanting more) is simply too much and he’ll disappear.
So, I know I’m guilty of one (or two) of these emotional misdemeanours. And if you’re behaving like this, stop. However, if you’re on the receiving end of this, don’t take it personally. You don’t have to stretch your self-esteem across the rack and weep buckets of self-indulgent pity because some guy you maybe liked didn’t know what he wants or how to speak his mind.
Whatever their complex reason is for behaving poorly, you’re not required to give one jot. You don’t have to figure it out, indulge it or allow it. Just leave him to his silly ways and move on.
Ghosting and the ‘Well Actually’ game
The ghoster. For those of you who don’t know, ghosting refers to that thing people do when they don’t want to hang out with you anymore, but don’t tell you that. Instead, they just disappear. They go silent; they don’t answer your calls or your emails. You’re left having to assume the connection is over simply because there is no one to have a connection with anymore.