While you might like to think that, as the Beatles say, all you need is love, or that money can’t buy you love (also the Beatles), financial compatibility is kind of a big deal in relationships—can someone write a song about that? “You want to know as early on as possible if the one you love has similar financial goals as you,” says Janice Goldman, financial coach and author of Let’s Talk about Money: The Girlfriends’ Guide to Protecting Her ASSets.
For example, you don’t want your significant other’s bad credit to thwart your goal of buying a house. “Love isn’t always enough to make things work,” says Goldman. “You need love, friendship, and financial compatibility.” Here’s what divorcees with real money issues have to say about the way finances influenced on their failed marriages.
“My ex and I actually went to marriage counseling because we fought all the time. When the counselor asked us what our fights are about, we both said, “Money!” We were laid off from our jobs at the same time and had to take minimum wage positions for a little bit. We could hardly pay the bills.
It was really hard, and it’s what ultimately tore us apart. We couldn’t fix our lives, our careers, and we couldn’t fix our marriage because it was consumed with arguments over finances.” – Tracey G., 31
“I can’t remember talking about anything other than money. Everything we wanted to do, eat, and have became a conversation about how much it cost and how we wouldn’t be able to afford x, y, z in the future. We were a life-size excel budget sheet, always adding and subtracting our cash. Because of that, our relationship was exhausting. I decided I needed to leave my marriage because there was no love or passion, only financial stress and budgets.” – Casey G., 34
“I had a bad habit of running up the credit card bills. I was a secret shopaholic, and I got caught when bill collectors started calling my house. My ex-husband never looked at the credit card bills, so he had no idea that I spent thousands on a weekly basis and never paid the bill. He was so angry at me and my spending that he filed for divorce when he realized I put him us into more than $150,000 worth of debt.” —Marissa H., 42
“When I first got married, I was working part-time at a clothing store. My husband was a big time vice president at a tech start-up, so he carried us financially. I started to build my career, and within two years I was making double his salary with the business I created. He didn’t like that at all. He wanted to be the man of the house and the high-paid earner. I could care less. We fought constantly about the fact that I was making more money than him. It was degrading.” —Michelle P., 38
“I had a lot of debt coming into the marriage. Once we were married for a couple of years, it just started to get depressing. My credit score was rock bottom and his was perfect. If we wanted to buy a house or a new car, we had to do it in his name. I couldn’t get approved for anything. It just became hard on our relationship. I didn’t feel equal to him. We ended up getting a divorce three years into the marriage. I just couldn’t let go of how bad I felt about my own personal debt and money problems.” —Ann L., 33
My ex-husband was fired from his job. He didn’t apply for another job for an entire year. All the financial pressure was on my salary, which was not enough money to support two people. I urged him to find a job, but he wouldn’t apply. He just didn’t seem motivated. After two years of his unemployment, I called it quits.” —Heidi G., 29
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